Build a profitable business- the baby steps part 33

Resolve quarrels quickly. If you want to be able to make it as an entrepreneur you are going to have to find a way to resolve quarrels quickly. The quarrels we are talking about are those between you and yout partner or partners. Make no mistake. They will happen. And when they do materialize you need to know how to deal with them. The best way to accomplish this is to resolve quarrels before they even break out. How do you do that? You nip it in the butt and don´t give it any time or space to grow in size and ego. Don´t let it multiply. You do this by being open to eachother and tell eachother truthfully how you feel about a certain situation. That means you have to learn to be super-honest, towards yourself and your partner (s). If you feel bad about something your parner has said or done you need to spill it out as soon as possible. Don´t reflect on it for a week or a month, that will only make you more angry and will probably add insult to injury. Instead deal with it straight away. Be very frank about the situation with your partner. Leave emotions out of it as much as possible. Emotions will only lead you astray. If you or your partner are too emotional about it chances are you will end up saying something you will live to regret. Keep the conversation cool and level-headed. But at the same time make sure it´s honest and frank, so you can get it off your chest. While this procedure is defficult from an emotional stand point, we know of no other method that will resolve a situation like this more effectively. We have tried numerous approaches. This is the one that works. If you want to get along you need to have 100 percent honest conversations. No bull. No lies. Just the truth. Conveyed in some diplomatic fashion and without any emotion. But it has to be the truth nevertheless. That´s the only way your relationship can survive- and grow.

Some of you will tell us that this rule does not apply to you. You will claim that you have such a special and strong relationship that a quarrel is out of the question. We sure hope that you are right. Our experience tells a different story. As long as everything and everyone are sailing along smoothly things tend to pretty much take care of themselves. When the money is pouring in and everything is hunky dory, there really isn´t much to do. No leadership is needed, no tough decisions need to be made and no quarrels need to be sorted out. You can just relax, lean back and enjoy the ride. Unfortunately, these periods do not last forever. In between there will be periods with a lot more drama to them. When your enterprise starts performing poorly or you get stuck with some major problem to resolve- that´s when you´re going to need good leadership and a solid relationship to lean against. As we have said before, money tends to bring out the worst in people. And people tend to yearn for the least important side effects of having money.

When the shit hits the fan, that will put some major pressure on your relationship. As we have already stated, it´s really important to nip it in the butt and end the quarell before it gets out of hand. In the best of worlds you can end the disagreement before it even starts. The way to do this is to have a very straightforward type of communication between you and your partner (s). You need to be able to tell them how you feel. And they need to be able to tell you how they feel. It needs to be a matter of give and take, with lots of mutual respect and humbleness. It´s especially important to see where the other person is coming form. What kind of personality type is your partner and to what type of communication will he respond the best? What personality type are you, and what weaknesses do you need to adress when you are communicating with your partner? You need to be able to be really humble about this stuff. If you are not, chances are your relationship will go sour sooner or later.

But there is more to it than personality type. You also need to know where both you and your partner stand in terms of self-confidence and self-esteem. Most people can tell you about the importance of self-confidence. In general, the knowledge about the importance of self-esteem is much more limited. While both are important and interrelated one of them can cause a lot more problems than the other. Lack of self-confidence can be overcome and it is generally not as permanent of a problem as lack of self-esteem. At least it needs not be. Lack of self-confidence can be cured. It takes time, but it is not a permanent issue. Lack of self-esteem can be a completely different matter.

Many people mistake lack of self-esteem with lack of self-confidence. The result can be horrifying. They work on their self-confidence, but not their self-esteem. The end result is a person that is not aware of their real issues, but instead tries to cover them up with some kind of fake self-confidence. Don´t make that mistake. And don´t believe all those self-help books either. Most people in the western world need a lot more self-esteem. If the self-esteem is covered, the self-confidence will follow. But instead, most folks try to become their best self by focusing solely on their self-confidence and composure. The end result may appear satisfying at first glance but once the surface is scratched its a complete disaster. What´s more it´s darn near impossible to have an honest discussion with these individuals. Since their self-esteem is terrible they will be overly sensitive and  can mistake any kind of communication for criticism.  What´s even worse is that they will become a lot more aggressive in any type of discussion since they have applied a fake mask of self-confidence on top of their nonexistant self-esteem. You can´t really win with these individuals and that´s why it´s so important that you choose a partner that has little or no issues with their self-esteem (that goes for your life partner as well).

So how do you find out if a potential business partner has a low self-esteem? It could be tricky, but there are definitely some signs to look out for. Look for how they respond to criticism. Look for how they experienced their child-hood (a strange family situation or being bullied in school can be devastating for self-esteem). Look for how important identification is for them (i e do they feel strongly that they need to be able to identify with their job, and would they be devastated if they lost their job and title). A person with high self-esteem doesn´t need material posessions, job titles, a large number of Facebook friends or public recognition to feel good about themselves. A person with high self-esteem does not allow outer factors to determine how the feel about themselves. They like themselves just the way they are. In fact, they love themselves just the way they are. A person with good self-esteem is a resource for society. They are in general happy about their lives in general and achieve a significant level of harmony and success in their lives. To put it bluntly: people with good self-esteem become good persons most of the time. And good business partners.

People with low self-esteem are a lot trickier. Apart from the fact that they are dificult to communicate to because of their low level of self-esteem and the overly sensitive demeanor this brings they often carry a not-so-accurate view of the world with them. We have met people who were convinced they were cut out to be high-level management or CEO:s of really big companies, and yet they clearly had no of the attributes of a leader (nor a boss for that matter). Some of these people couldn´t stand situations that were uncomfortable. They were lousy at negotiating. They hated frank and honest conversations. They couldn´t handle anything that resembled a conflict. They had terrible self-esteem, but at the same time they were convinced that they had excellent self-esteem. the fact that nobody had deemed tehm suited to become a boss or a leader during their 20+ year long careers didn´t faze them. They figured it was all the fault of those who appointed leaders and management position. The human resources representative didn´t like them or was jealous of them. This delusional view of the reality around them is another reason why low self-esteem individuals represent terrible business partners.

They will spend a a lot of time, both theirs and yours, trying to be someone they are clearly not. And the costs for finding themselves will be steep to your business and you will be one of the main financial contributors to that social quest. Also their distorted vied of the world around you and their place in that world can cause a barrage of other problems. In the best of worlds you will find a partner with high self-esteem as well as high self-confidence. Chances are those people have been winning the better part of their lives, and they are probably already successful when you meet them. But if you meet a potential business partner with lower self-confidence than what you like, but high levels of self-esteem they will do just fine. People with high self-esteem can often come across as having low self-confidence because they are in general a lot more humble than most people are used to. They don´t need to put on any masks. They are quite happy with who they are and they know what they´re about. Thus a low-esteem person can come across as much more confident than a high-esteem individual.

But even if you pick a high-selfesteem partner with moderate self-confidence, you should know that self-confidence can be enhanced quite easily. A low self-esteem on the other hand is very often the product of many years of childhood trauma or insecurity and these types of issues are not resolved neither quickly nor easily. What many of these people do (because they are aware of the issues at some level) is they start working on their self-confidence instead. This creates an even bigger mismatch between the self-confidence and the self-esteem which tends to create lots of new intricate problems.

So let´s cut to the chase. What you need is  a business partner with solid self-esteem, a good work-ethic and a shrewd mind. If you can find a partner like that go to work, dig in deep and build yourselves a profitable business and a fabulous lifestyle to go with it. You deserve it. You know you do!